So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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