Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
