he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
