we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
