im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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