the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just threw up on my dentist
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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