I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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