PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
