Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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