it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
