I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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