You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Please, let me fuck your mom
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
