Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
