How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
