I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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