There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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