Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
