sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize