her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize