direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How external is "for external use only"?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
