sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
