Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
