If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
