Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just want to make out with him forever
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
