Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
