I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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