you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
