is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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