I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
