he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
