Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
