I want to walk on stilts...naked
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
