Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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