i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
