but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
