she was so not down for the gang bang
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
