sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
