We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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