i'm lost and i look like a hooker
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
