Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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