If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
