Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
