I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
