xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize