I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
