So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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