I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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