but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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