Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
