when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
