I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
