How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
