it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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