don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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