I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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