i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize