the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
