how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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