She said her name was "party"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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