I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize