I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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