I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
