I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
