i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
