Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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