to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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