I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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