SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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