I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
