I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
