he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize