eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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