is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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