I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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