Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
