How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
